The Leader, The Scavenger and The Agony
by helenasophia
Summary: Kylo Ren thought the power that he has as the new Supreme Leader might release him from his pain, but he was wrong. In fact it hurt him even more than before.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1:

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People said, you will learn to appreciate little things in your hardest time. The sound of the ocean breeze, the various color of the sky and the smile from the one that you love.

He couldn't stop thinking about her. The scavenger girl who stole his heart from the day he met her in the woods. He just didn't realize that. Until the night they fought the praetorian guards together, as one. It was beautiful, at least that's what he thought. The way she leaned on his back and grabbed his thigh to attack those guards, the way they sync in harmony was just like they know how to do this for the rest of their life. It felt like they were meant to be together. Side by side.

This was not what he had in mind. He thought being a Supreme Leader would feel great and superior with all the power that he has now. But it wasn't. He still felt empty inside. It felt like he was slowly dying. This wound would never heal, just like the scar in his face. It would never go away.

He was in pain, for most of his life. Until he found someone who could truly understand him like no one could. She could understand because they shared the same kind of sadness and pain. And for that he loves her. She was the only one he trusts, the only one that he cares about. He wanted her to be free of the pain, just like he always hopes for himself.

He admitted that he was furious when he realized that she left him unconscious in the throne room. But deep down, his heart shattered to pieces. He never wish to felt this way. He never thought that one girl could turn his world upside down. He knew that he had a lot of things to do. He got all these burden on his shoulder. He's a Supreme Leader of The First Order now. Everyone was expecting him to do his best since he's the son of the darkness, heir apparent of the Darth Vader. But sometimes he just wanna locked himself in his quarter, still waiting for the force to connect them one more time. But somehow, it didn't.

"Rey..." Kylo whispered to himself, he was staring at the wall in his quarter. So much sadness in his voice. What a wistful thinking, hoping that the force would connecting them again. It's been 2 months since she closed that door in his face. He has been devastated realize can not knowing about her anymore. How's she doing, how's she feel right now. There was so much thing going on in his head. He just couldn't simply get rid of her from his mind. Everything else was irrelevant and distorted now, clouded by the gravity of the darkness. Because he just realized he never wanted anything more than he wanted her, not even the power. The power had become meaningless. What was the point of being powerful when he didn't have her stand beside him. It's all for nothing now. If he only could tell her how much he care about her, how much she meant to him. The problem was he never got a chance to really show his affection to her because he didn't know how and nobody ever taught him how to do that properly.

Kylo Ren was drowning in despair. Drowning so deep, he didn't know how to reach the surface. He's been screaming at the top of his lung to freed himself from the pain. But somehow he couldn't escape. It was just getting worse and worse every single day. He began to worry about his sanity.

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"BEN!" She gasped as she open her eyes. Oh, it was only just a dream. Sigh. She put both of her palms to her face, as the tears flowing down through. She couldn't help but crying. She couldn't even remember when this thing started. Rey kept dreaming about Ben Solo. Every night, when she closed her eyes to sleep his figure came to her. Sometimes he was mad, sometimes he was just staring at her without any word to say. But the most grueling thing was when he smiles, like everything was fine. In her dream they were happy, there was no war no conflict. It was just Rey and Ben with nothing in their way. These dreams tormented her, because she knew these images only existed in her head. This could never be come true. He had no idea how much she wanted to take his hand that night in the throne room. But she couldn't. She knew it, he knew it.

At that moment they realized that the visions they had for each other in the future can't come true, because they wanted to follow different paths. He couldn't go, and she couldn't stay. Once again, they were at the opposite side of the war. It was painful to remember how much they've come this far, how much her feeling was grew towards him. He's not a monster once she thought he was. She could understand him better now. And he needed help, desperately.

She wiped away her tears from her cheeks. These tears seemed won't stop pouring down her face. She missed him, so much. Sometimes at dinner time she sneak out back to her room, just to sit next to her bed waiting for the force to connecting them again. But it wasn't. She thought maybe he didn't want to talk to her, maybe he hated her for what she was done to him. Maybe just maybe he blocked the force connection so they didn't have to deal with each other again. Her heart-rate accelerated to an almost painful speed when she thought about it, but she couldn't remove his images from her mind.

"Rey, General Organa wants you to…." Finn barged in her room in a rush "Um, sorry I didn't knock first" He's kinda shocked when he found Rey was crying, still covered in her blanket. "Rey, are you okay?" he asked as he walk in her room and closed the door behind him.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine" she put a smile slightly to her face while wipes all those tears from her face.

"Do you want to talk about that? You know I'm always here for you if you need anything" he seemed worry.

"I'm fine Finn. You don't have to worry about me." She lied, didn't want her best friend to find out what she was going through lately.

"Oh come on Rey, you've been missing at dinner time. You've avoiding technically everyone in this ship, including me."

"I didn't mean to, I'm sorry. I just need some time alone. All of these things was driving me crazy. The dark side, the Jedi, the war. It's so overwhelm." No, It wasn't just that. It was more than just the war. If only I could tell you about him.

"I understand, but you don't have to keep the burden to yourself. You can tell me whenever you want, okay?"

"Okay, thank you Finn." She smiled, relief that he didn't push her to tell him what's going on.

"Oh I almost forgot, General Organa needs you to join the meeting now. She got something to tell you."

"Alright, go ahead. I'll be there in a minute." He nodded as he walked out from her room.

"Argh! You can do this Rey. You can do this!" She talked to herself, hoping that it would help to cheer her up a little bit.

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"Hahaha, yeah right you should tell Chewie about that." Rey talked to Finn and Rose who tried to goofing around her in the corridor on their way to the dinner room.

Suddenly she stopped, she felt something.

"What's wrong Rey?" Rose seemed curious.

"Nothing, I just forget something in my room. You guys go on, I'll catch up soon." Finn and Rose looked at each other with bewildered eyes, but they proceed anyway.

As she slowly twisted around, she saw this familiar figure. He was standing across the room. His head bowed, but when he began to dawn on her that she recognizes his appearance, he lifted his head. And here they are seeing each other again for the first time since The Battle of The Crait.

Her jaw slackened as a torrent of emotions flooded her all at once. She could see his face clearly. She tried to gather her composure so she could witness every inch of him. Unlike her, he seemed pretty calm, just stood there. She wanted to hold him so badly. Little did she knows, he wanted to do the same thing too. But somehow they're end up staring at each other for the past few minutes.

"Be….K..Kylo Ren." She stuttered trying to break the silence.

He gasped when he realized she attempt to call him Ben in the first place. Honestly he didn't think this would hurt his feeling, hearing her called him by that name, because deep down inside he wanted her to call him Ben again, just like she used to.

"Rey…" He bowed his head slightly.

She thought back to the last time she'd seen him, it was quite a while. 2 months to be exact. His presence here ignited all the affection she'd felt towards him. As she kept gazing at him her eyes shed a tear. It seemed like she couldn't hide away her feeling any longer. Kylo was shooketh. His eyebrow was knitted together. He approached her right away. He wanted to caress her face desperately, to mop away those tears so he could see her beautiful face again.

They couldn't keep their eyes off of each other until suddenly they disappeared out of each other sight before they could say another word. It left them with nothing but a giant hole in their heart.

She dropped on her knees, and the tears began to tumble like rain. "Oh God, I miss him…" She whispered to herself as she released a shuddering breath.

On the other side of the galaxy, Kylo was crouching down to kneel beside his bed. He clenched his eyes as he covering his face with his palm. "I lost her…"

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a/n: And so the story begins.. I hope this introduction has been successful to catch your attention! I know this is the first time for me to write a fanfiction but I hope you guys can enjoy this and hopefully I can give you quick updates! Please review and help me to improves, I'd love to know your thought!

Love, HS


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

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He woke up too soon.

He jolted as his eyes snapped open. He sucked in a short gasp and gulping back his dry throat. He felt disoriented and muddled. He couldn't even remember when was the last time he had the privilege to sleeping properly. He rubbed away the cold sweat on his forehead and slowly got up, checking around his room and ensuring that everything was fine. His nightmares had been so real and vivid recently. It felt like when he woke up, his nightmare still won't go away.

The thing about dark side is once you've fallen you're gonna destined to fall even deeper. It was consuming your mind and soul. And it wrecked you from within. Kylo has been consumed by his intrusive thought. He felt like everything just spins out of control, and he couldn't help himself out of it.

He decided to take a stroll just to clear his mind from everything. He knew that it wasn't gonna help, but he kept walking until he ended up in the throne room. He didn't understand what is going on in his mind but his feet lead him here.

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"Hey, do you notice that Rey was acting so weird lately?" Poe murmured to Finn and Rose as they were heading to the control room.

"Yeah, she seems so distance… and sad." Rose looked at Finn. "Did she tell you something, Finn?"

"Umm, not so much. She just told me that she was overwhelmed about all the Jedi stuff." Finn muttered.

"That must be hard. I can't imagine how much burden she should carry all by herself." Rose felt sorry for her.

"Yeah, it must've been very hard." Poe glanced at Rose as he nodded.

"Do you think we should do something about it?"

"Like what Rose?" Finn asked "I know nothing about the Jedi stuff, so how can we help?"

"Nooo…" She chuckled. "We don't need to know all about that. You know, maybe we can help her to get her spirit again."

"And how do we suppose to do that?" Poe seems couldn't catch it.

"We're gonna land on Takodana in a few days. That planet is nice, maybe we can take her for a walk, just to catch a fresh air, and see the beautiful creatures. How about that?"

"Hmm, maybe that could work. And if it's not, it's harmless anyway." Finn agreed, even though he wasn't really sure about it. Because as long as he noticed for the last few days, all Rey wanted to do is just being alone with herself. But Rose has a good point, maybe Rey really need to give her mind a break for a little while.

"Great! Suddenly I feel so excited." Rose couldn't help to put a big smile on her face.

"You never been there, do you?" asked Poe.

"Not that I know of…" She grinned.

"Ah, look at that happy face." Finn pinched Rose cheek gently as he lean his face closer to hers.

"Hey, we've got works to do lovebirds." Poe walked ahead leaving them behind.

"Oh, come on! You're just jealous to us." Finn tried to catch Poe, and put his arm around him.

"Nah, not a chance." He smirked.

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"I thought I wanted this…" He stared at the empty throne. Thinking about all the power that he has now made the ache in his chest worsened. "I never wanted this." The darkness had nearly unhinged him. You could tell that his in terrible pain by looking at his eyes. He couldn't conceal it anymore. He had been concealed all the sorrow for most of his life. From the moment his father left him, the moment his mother gave him up to his uncle, the moment his uncle tried to murder him in his sleep. There was no use to show it after all, because in the end everyone that he loved will give up and left him with nothing but despair.

Just for a moment he thought he can finally have someone who really cares about him. Someone who would never giving up on him, someone who would stand beside him, but he was wrong. Once again he proved to himself that nobody would stay by his side, because all he can do is screwed everything.

His tired gaze fell to his right hand. His sweating palm reminded him of the second force bond he had with her. When the wave of Ahch-To spattered a little water to his face. He exhaled a disappointment sigh. The memories he had about her flowing over his head like a deluge stream. And it was tearing him apart. For all those years living in a blur, never truly seeing things the way they were and when he finally could see it clearly, it slipped away. He let his future slipped through his finger and he blamed himself for that.

Kylo managed to go back to his quarter, he needed to rest. At least his mind needed to rest for awhile. He collapsed into the bed. He closed his eyes and cradling his face with sweaty palms. He felt completely lost.

But before he really could ease his mind, something peculiar happened. He could feel her presence. Without a doubt, the force was connecting them again.

He turned his body slowly and saw her sleeping right next to him. He was shocked, considering her face was so close to his now. She looked like an angel, sleeping so peacefully. Kylo observed her carefully, watched her closely. He was mesmerized. He realized he'd never had a chance to see her so close like this. He examined every inch of her face and just felt strangely warmth all over his chest. Something he never felt before. He never saw something so beautiful, he couldn't help to absorbing all the beauty of her to his mind. He was wondering, how can she getting even more beautiful every time he blinked his eyes.

When Kylo was busy admiring Rey, she suddenly gasps. She seems troubled. He thought maybe something happen in her dream. She was shivering because of the inevitable disturbing image tumbling around in her head.

"Ben…" Rey whispered in her sleep as tears running down to her cheek. Kylo was quivering. He was shaking slightly, his heart rattling loudly inside his ribcage. He inhaled until it started to burn and released the air as slowly as possible. He couldn't stand watching those tears falling out of her eyes. He admitted that he really hates to see her cry, especially when he was the reason of it. He gnashed his teeth and closed his eyes for awhile.

"Tell me, how?" Kylo lifted his heavy lid to see her face again. "Tell me how can I make things right?" He looked at her with teary eyes. He rummaged through his brain, hunting for a satisfactory reasoning that could knock him back into place and inhaled sharply before he looked away. He didn't want her to catch him like this when she open her eyes.

Kylo turned his head again to face her. He shifted closer to her. Her breath skimmed over the sensitive skin of his throat. Rey's dreamy sighs whispered across the fine hair on his skin. She was crawling through his system and into his head, screwing up his senses. It was her innocence, racing through him, drowning in his cells. He closed his eyes, relished the feeling of her this close. Close enough to touch.

With vibrating fingers and lost heartbeat, he reached out a curious hand to brush aside her messy brown hair, and his fingertips warily move on their own from that point; sweeping across her eyebrow and down to her cheekbone with a barely stroke. He held his breath as she parted her lips. Something wedged in his chest as he studied her further.

He could have been watching her for a minute or hours when the signs of life began to slowly crawling to her body. Just a little twitches and a rousing sigh before her eyes opened with a softly blinks.

He kind of wished she didn't notice him, because he knew he don't know how to act naturally in front of her. Just as he was contemplating closing his eyes and pretending to be asleep, she lifted her face and their eyes locked.

The silence seemed to spark between them as the eye contact refused to shatter.

Kylo blinked at her as a heavy and humid silence settled between them. It was taking every stitch of his self-control not to glance down at her lips. She looked so charmingly vulnerable. He thought he needs to break the silence, but how? He had no idea where to start. He was so anxious that he felt something in his chest shrink and shrivel, but he did everything he could not to let it show.

She was breathing heavily with confusion and aftershocks of her nightmare. She didn't dare to move as her eyes darted up to his face and find it contorted with anguish. He looked like he was being tortured. His features were creased and pained, and the vulnerability she saw then was absolutely breathtaking. He looked like a beautiful mess, and it made her feel some kind of burning sensation in her chest. She continued gazing upon him with a fascination she couldn't restrain. Something about him sent wonderful little tingle to her fingertips that bade her to touch him, but she resisted.

"Are you… real?" The question jumped past her throat before she could help it, but there was a hint of hesitation in her voice. The air suddenly grew thicker and uneasy, and her forlorn eyes were glued to him as he slowly tilted his head to sink into her eyes.

"Yes, I am." Kylo whispered softly, realize that she took his breath away by looking at him the way she did. Once again, his senses were overpowered by her. All of sudden a foggy flashback shattered his mind. That pesky little dream of his suddenly emerged and he couldn't shove the disturbing notion away. He remained still. His black eyes widened a fraction and scanned her features quickly before she could sense his anxiety.

Rey parted her lips but hesitated to say anything. She paused to gather her thought as she felt tears scratching at the back of her eyes. There was something familiar in his black-ice eyes that reminded her of the day they touched hand for the first time. She knew he felt something for her. He had blurted it out by himself. It made her feel a hot blush stain her cheeks. If only she could chase away some of the pain that etched onto his face. She intended to interact with him, but somehow she couldn't utter a word to break their silence.

The dark prince inhaled a calming breath and decided he would have to chose his words very carefully, because the last time they had a real conversation it wasn't work in his favor. But when her warm breath ghosted his lower lip, it dragged Kylo back to reality. He felt the cold wrap around him quickly as the force connection faded away. Now she was gone and he didn't get a chance to say anything to her. His chest was heaving with vexation and distress that pounded in his skull.

He clenched his eyes shut as her voice ricocheted in the back of his mind. It was playing in repeat over and over again. And a cold shiver ran up his spine as he recalled the day in the throne room when there had been so much tears, and not just hers.

The pathetic truth was no matter how hard he tried to shove her away, his mind always snatched him back to her.

 _If only she knew…_

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She couldn't believe her eyes when he was out of her sight. She spent a few minutes to regain all of her composure. With a parting sad look at the empty space in her room, her brain had been flooded with his words since he disappeared. It was real.

 _He was real…_

Something about the tenderness in his tone stirred the warmth in her heart. Rey felt her pulse quicken as she recall how close his figure was. She was secretly relieved knowing that it wasn't just a dream. She pulled herself up and let him wandered in her mind. She breathed as calmly as she could but the tears refused to not to falling down. Her weary brain had dragged her to thought of The Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, or she was prefers to call him as Ben Solo.

She didn't surprise when she realized her cheeks were damp. With a strange flutter in her chest, she rose to her uneasy feet and shuffled herself towards the bathroom. She hunched over the sink and tried to gather her wits, but a glance at her reflection made her breath twitch. She could see the exhaustion and lack of sleep smother her like a hurricane. She stared at it for a long minute before she rinsed her face. She trudged into her room and dropped herself in the bed. Her heavy-lidded gaze focused solely on the space where he was before.

Wishing that he would come back to her…

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a/n: I apologies for the late update. I'm so sorry it took ages for me to finish this chapter, but I hope this chapter was enough to make it up to you guys. I just wanna thank you so much for giving this fic a chance! And also massive thank you for the reviews and positive responses, I really really do appreciate it.

Please read and let me know what you think!

Love, HS


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